Movie Night with Three Monkeys

So doing anything with my family is bound to be minimally weird if not downright embarrassing. So my brother (Hears No Evil Monkey because if I talk sex with his friends, he goes into trauma) invites me to go out with his two other friends, the guy who always wears a black t-shirt saying “I beat anorexia” (Speak No Evil Monkey because he doesn’t talk much which I take as a sign of some sort of intelligence) and his newly liberated friend (See No Evil Monkey because pretty things hypnotize him, like girls) who’s ex girlfriend had his balls in a pickle jar. (I think she may have mailed them back. I’m not sure.)

So he left before I did to go over and hang with his friends until the 10 o’clock showing, completely forgetting the three movie passes mom so graciously gave him. I had an evening shift so on the way out, I grabbed the passes. My brother, densely, calls my cell phone trying to find out where they were. I don’t answer my phone in the middle of work so he had the balls to call me at work. For five minutes he kept asking the same damn thing.

“Do you have the passes?”
“Yes. You forgot them!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeeeeeeeees.”
“Positive?”
Rolling my eyes, I give an exasperated sigh. “Yes. I have them!”
“You have the passes?”
“YES!!” I so wish I could curse on the phone at work. No such luck.
“So we’ll meet you after work.” Why me?

So my brother comes into my work fifteen minutes before we close and follows me around as I clean. What’s worse, my manager is giving them evil looks and watching me. So finally I kick their asses out after having a monkey cha-cha chain for ten minutes. As I walk out, I pull my work shirt off and shake my hair out. I think I may have become a model in slow motion under the streetlight by the looks on their faces. My brother, of course, is naturally oblivious.

Naturally, somehow, I knew I would be driving them all even though my brother’s car was just as capable. He offered graciously to fill my tank… with mom’s debit card. How nice! And quite naturally, I had filled up two days prior. So off to the movies!

As we get out of the car, Hear No Evil and See No Evil immediately dash to a movie poster excitedly. I think my brother may have licked it reverently. It was the new X-men III coming soon in like… a year. I walked by. I swear I was adopted.

I argue with my brother on one thing. He invited me; he pays. Not only that, I drove. So he argued among the monkey band that they were going to split the cost of the one extra ticket. I let them duke it out among themselves. So all the tickets were handed to me as we get into the concession line because “being a girl makes me more responsible.” Right. So I stick the tickets in my bra. You cannot possibly get any safer than that. So See No Evil has his gaze riveted on my chest now. Great. My brother just goes into denial and orders me to go claim them some seats in the theater because he thinks there is going to be a mad rush for War of the Worlds and nothing but the floor will be available to us. He said our theater is number nine.

See No Evil meanwhile has his hand slowly reaching for his ticket before I look down and smack it away. Sighing, I take his hand and put his ticket in it with a glare. Bad horny monkey! I take it he got his balls back then. Before I leave, I tell my brother he’s getting me a soft pretzel. No buts!

So I say hi to the ticket guy and walk into theater nine and blink. The movie is playing full force (with bullets flying and screaming) and the place is packed. It takes me two minutes to figure out I am in the wrong theater halfway through the current movie. My brother has once again proven he’s a compete idiot. I walked out and found the correct theater and find plenty of seating.

So when my brother appears, I snatch my pretzel and glare. He chose to sit one row above me and I end sitting next to See No Evil… Why me again? I have a habit of making social commentary throughout movies, so I had popcorn, courtesy of my brother, bouncing off my head the whole movie. See No Evil didn’t mind at all.

Overall, the movie was okay. It yanked some strong emotions from me, which may have been its saving grace but I wasn’t thoroughly impressed. I give it three out of five bananas. I wouldn’t have seen the movie if I was paying. So I got to drive three monkeys home or at least back to my brother’s car. I saw three cops out. I do believe I did a perfect speed limit the whole way home.